Dump-ster Diver


We’ve all been dumped before, at least most of us have. And in our melancholy, disheartened, dejected, self loathing state few things can really make us feel better. Not buckets of Death By Chocolate ice cream, not the depressive croonings of Jeff Buckley, not watching Love Actually until the laser in the dvd player burns a hole through the disc…and not even the post breakup talk with our friends.

In the sense that, what other do they say than, “Whatever, you’ll find someone better, his eyes were way too close together and we never even liked him from the start, blah blah, blah,,,and he’s not worth your time because you deserve a real nice guy.etc etc.” I mean they’re all true musings but is that really what you want to hear? That your friends thought your beloved was an asshole to begin with and you stooped so low as to wail and bemoan over some low life scumbag?


But it’s not like they are in the wrong. All they’re doing is trying to lift your spirits a few inches above the sludge pit that you’ve been wallowing in. And admit it, you’re just as guilty of the same charge.

I myself have a really hard time of driving the sympathy train. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m not sympathetic. I just can’t seem to do much more than throw out a ridiculously corny joke in hopes of easing the heart of my crestfallen friend (i.e. What do you call a mushroom that walks into a bar and buys everyone a drink? – Fungi!) Yes they are always that lame. And no, it never really works.

But something that does work is a good amount of alcohol in your bloodstream (and by good amount I mean excessive amounts). And a distraction. Well, what you think you need is a distraction but what you really need is someone to remind you of who you are. Maybe a really good friend of the opposite sex who’ll challenge you to a game of beer pong, tells you how awesome your new haircut is (before you even ask) and not once mention anything about the reason as to why you’re eyes are so puffy. Most importantly, someone who’s going to make you feel like your old self again.

These might help a little too. :p


2 Responses

  1. Margaritas always do the trick, and love corny jokes! Seriously, I love hearing someone’s corny jokes, they crack me and lift my spirits.

  2. haha, how true, kate nash, how true. i suggest a full makeover to go along with the alcohol. hair did, nails did, independent what she call that.

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